MEDIA LEGEND WANTS QUEEN'S PARK TO 'PUT A SOCK IN IT'
Toronto, ON -- (ReleaseWire) -- 05/22/2018 --ED THE SOCK RETURNS TO SAVE ONTARIO & THE WORLD
Ed the Sock, the beloved media personality regarded as a Canadian icon, has announced his write-in candidacy for Premier of Ontario. As his campaign notes, don't call it a comeback, it's a rescue.
"I go away for a few years to write my memoirs - and look what you've done with the place!Fact is opinion and opinion is fact; Literally also means figuratively; Right wing and left wing are stupidity in stereo; Ignorance isn't bliss, it's a voting block. And the internet? Social media is like Hydra, cut off one a**hole, two more take its place! Plus, seriously...man-buns?!"
To take back the world from the clutches of idiocracy, Ed will start with being elected Premier. Ed's candidacy is unique as the filing date for candidates has passed and a single individual cannot form a government.
"You're talking sense, and we're in a post-sense era. Have to keep current," Ed said. "As for seeming unfamiliar with how Ontario's parliament operates, the current President of the United States has no knowledge of how his government works and he's making America great again."
On the subject of slogans, Ed's campaign considered "Everywhere", "Fresh Never Frozen", "Blurp" and "Now With Retsyn" but settled on" Make Ontario Better Than It Has Been Lately" because the acronym #MOBTIHBL is appropriately meaningless and fits on a hat.
Ed calls this election a "political Kobayashi Maru (no-win situation) - Ontarians choices are Wynne, a leader less popular than monkey butt, Horwath, a perpetual dweller in the political Friend Zone and Ford, Trump - the Home Game. Also some guy from the Green Party, but, let's be real. Ontarians deserve a better choice, and sadly, that choice is me."
"Let's face it, voters aren't happy with their options, and I've heard many say they will send a message by not voting at all. The only message not voting sends politicians is "you can ignore me". So I encourage voters who were going to stay home to instead show their discontent by going to the polls and writing my name on the ballot. THAT sends a message."
"Let's face it, voters aren't happy with their options and I've heard many say they will send a message by not voting at all. The only message not voting sends politicians is "you can ignore me". So I encourage voters who were going to stay home to instead participate in democracy and show their discontent by going to the polls and writing my name on the ballot. THAT sends a message."
Among Ed's campaign promises are: Make Beer 'Medicinal'; Cheaper Electricity - Hook-up Generators to Spin Classes; Mass-Transit Solution - Ziplines; Cleaning Up The Environment - Tax on Man-Buns; Subsidies for buying Leafs tickets; and in Health care - government production of kitten videos. Everyone feels better watching kitten videos.
Ed blames the rise in stupidity on the death of his old tv home where he & others subverted traditional media messaging. As part of this War on Stupid campaign Ed is establishing a new online network with programming that revives that energy of called FUN - The FU_Network (funetwork.tv). That's where Ontarians can turn for daily updates on the campaign and how to get lawn signs & posters (all gluten-free).
Ed promises, "Expect a lot of Fake News, because nobody pays attention to the real stuff."
For more information or to schedule an interview with Ed the Sock please contact Bill Knight at firstname.lastname@example.org.